Why “hardworking” is hardly a compliment to me.

Almost a decade back I joined the workforce. Until then, I was conditioned with advise such as “study hard, work hard”. It all felt right, so much that any good that came without struggle and burning the midnight oil seemed unworthy. I took these convictions with me to the workplace, and starting off in the software industry gave ample opportunity to slog hard. You were a good employee only if you came in first and left last. Even when it was really busy, you never said no, no matter how loaded you were anyways. I was starting off and had to prove a point, more to myself than to others, that I am hardworking.

I lived in my hardworking world for sometime, until I worked on a project that changed my perspective on hard work for ever. I was leading a small team to deliver a small software work-package. We had a decent team, a very supportive manager, and were all set to make a delivery on time, and that’s when the bugs showed up. Design flaws actually that could jeopardise the entire delivery. We were stretched for time, and so we started patching without looking at the whole picture. While we patched up one side, the other fell apart. Soon, we knew that we couldn't deliver on time, but the pressure to meet the delivery deadline was huge. More than anything there was a reputation to keep up. So we kept patching all weekend, till we had a mummy for a code delivery.  When we finally left the office, there was a feeling of accomplishment. We met the delivery deadline. In your face – onwards testing team, we did it against all odds.

A few weeks later when I sat with management for the project review, I was expecting bouquets. What else ! There may have been a few good words, but what struck me hard, was when I was told that I and the team should have taken time to work out a systematic controlled approach to solve the problem instead of randomly patching and hoping it worked. I was then told something that would change my perspective on hard work for ever. I was told, work smart and then maybe you wont be spending weekends in the office. Of course that made no sense at that that point of time. Well, you don’t strategise when you are drowning....do you ? You kick and shout and scream. That’s what we did, and I still wanted my bouquet. What can I say – I liked bouquets – who doesn't !

I no longer work in software development, but it stayed with me, however, the work smart thing. When I finally started to see some sense in it, the never ending challenge was – how ? And what is working smart anyway ? Over the years, I have tried different approaches hoping to get close to one that might be smart. In doing that, I’ve realised that it’s actually easier to keep going without stopping, reviewing, and tuning plans, sometimes even scrapping them. Here are a few pointers  I use which I find beneficial. Of course, there is no recipe, and you do have to use your own judgement based on context.

• Planning ahead – for things that could go wrong. Having buffers in any plan is crucial. It doesn't need to be advertised as a buffer, but it needs to be there. 

• Frequent checkpoints – it’s easy to get carried away with the flow of things, but I have been surprised at how checkpoints bring back perspective.

• Delegating – I don’t have to do everything, even if I am in control. Agree on who is doing what and then let them do it.

• Being realistic with deadlines – This is a dangerous one to play with, but depending on circumstances, it could be better to shift a deadline. After all delivering something dead to meet a deadline is no good to anyone.

• Saying no – Not necessarily ‘No’, maybe ‘Not now’ or in other words- prioritisation. 

It’s quite funny that trying to work smart may after all seem to be harder than just working hard. 

It hasn't eradicated long working hours, they are still needed when they are needed ! But it definitely improves the chances of getting things at hand done, correctly, and without fumbles and tumbles.

And for the compliment “hardworking”. Well, whenever I get one, it gets me wondering – what have I done now – or rather not done !!! 

Don't stop believing

Two years back around this time, I was packing my monstrous bags to move from Lancaster to London...oh what a day that was. Breaking bottles, picking up glass pieces, packing, re-packing, discarding, dumping. The biggest worry then was finding a taker for the fridge ! Watching the campus around me looking like a refugee camp with people throwing away stuff...someone’s trash ...someone’s treasure. Leaving friends, looking forward to meeting old ones. The sun was shining quite brightly. The grad bar was gearing up for the last socials. As usual they were playing loud music, and it was only 10 am. I wasn’t grumbling this time. Never really grumbled about it. Always felt good with the music, admittedly. Besides there were no assignments to be written that day. That’s when I heard the song – Don’t stop believing. I stopped what I was doing, stood by my window as I had done a hundred times before. It dawned upon me - it probably was the last time I was doing so. But it did not feel sad. I knew I would miss the place. But there was much more to look forward to. London – a dream coming to life at last. Aspirations, a bright future. The only way was up. Nothing could have felt better. As I left Lancaster, the song played in my mind on and on and on... I was listening to Bon Jovi as usual, but the sentiment was Don’t stop believing. In what ? In myself. I had no idea about what was to follow ... obviously !

A lot of shit happened between then and now. Set backs, heart ache, the what-the-hell-am-I-doing here feeling creeping in. And then again, things looked up for a while, I slid downhill, climbed up, fell down, crawled up, gave up, woke up gathering all the remainder strength, carried on.... Finally got somewhere. Wasn’t perfect, but was a start to somewhere. In all the turmoil, had some realisations. Reality doesn’t always unfold as per one’s wishes or planning for that matter. Challenges unforeseen get thrown at you. Not everything can be under one’s control. Try telling that to a control freak like me, I would laugh it off, but experiencing it first hand is a different thing. The world keeps telling you it’s not enough. But then you work around situations, keep pushing, learn to compromise, give things a chance ! It’s amazing how one can pick up the pieces when everything around seems to be falling apart. And things do fall apart, at some point they do ! The good thing is that in such circumstances you realise who will stand by you, and who will stand by the sideline and watch. It’s a cruel revelation, but nevertheless true. The earlier one has it, the better. It’s also strange how in such circumstances one falls back to old habits, routines that seem to bring comfort, strength, and sometimes direction. In Lancaster, they taught us the art of reflection. Made us sit under trees and reflect. I laughed it off then as an utter waste of time. After all I had given up writing diaries ages back. No prizes for guessing how many diaries I’ve filled in since. It was always in me. I should have never stopped. Was the best way to organise my thoughts.

People...what about people ? I’ve never thought I was a people person, always thought I could do it all by myself. But it’s when you hit a wall when you then start thinking of who on Earth could listen and understand. (Listening is the key.) And I was lucky I thought hard and tried, and found them. Life would have been a pain if I had not opened up to someone. These were real issues. Not mundane gossip or weekend planning. Help and comfort comes in strange packages, but only if you ask for it. And sometimes even the seemingly strongest have to bend down and ask for it. Sometimes it takes a lot of beating to realise that the reality you think is, is not. It may only be an illusion that you have created because it felt good, it felt right, and it became real in your head. Sometimes it takes a rude wake up call to get you out of that illusion, and it takes someone with a clear head to make you see what you have been doing.

Two years on with loads of experiences in my bag, good and bad, I finally know where I stand – I’d like to think. Humbled by situations, shaken by people, letting go of illusions, reassessing dreams and aspirations, and finally understanding who and what matters. What still remains is hope and belief that everything will be alright if only I didn’t stop believing it would. I am standing by a different window this time, the sun isn’t shining – but can hardly expect that in the middle of the night. It’s the same song playing, it’s the same sentiment....Paying anything to roll the dice....one more time !

My alumni profile

Hello people,

After putting this off for a long time, I've finally managed to get my profile published on the LANCS MBA alumni site. I do need to change my photograph whick makes me look as if someone pulled the desk from under my hands !

Most of it is true :-) except for the often visits to Lancaster part, <> well atleast it wont be entirely false after next week ;-)

http://www.lums.lancs.ac.uk/alumni-profiles/postgraduate/mba/23357/

Love
Fiona

New Years Eve 2012

Hello my dear Lancaster-Family,

first of all, I request that you come to Bonn and we rename our family to "Bonner-Family". In short: I miss you here! And I wish we could hang out more than once in a year.... that we could have our Saturday-Night-Kitchen-Discussions more often.

So here I come to the next point on my list: We should start planning OUR New-Years-Eve-Celebration / Reunion. Since the last new-years-celebration was a bit split. Jay in Manila, James in China, Richie in London, Pat on some mountain in London, Fiona at London Bridge, Keerti and Jo at a subwaystation .... So this year I recommend some more structure. The more the merrier it would be a good time to catch up with the news from the last 1,5 years. Of course I also have a suggestion/plan (It would be mortifying if the German fraction of the party wouldn't have a structured plan.) So here I announce New Years Eve in Austria: loads of snow, Cheesefondue or Fondue chinoise, sledging at night with flambeaus, houseparty. Next days skiing, snowboarding, sledging, playing in the snow......
Logistics is not a problem either. Apply to ShengenVisa, fly to Salzburg/Austria, pick up arranged by Jo with private limo to mountain resort ....

Have I caught your attention??? Who's with me???

Please say "Yes" to my plan or have a better one ;-)

Message in a bottle

Remember the messages you folks put in a bottle for me, complete with scented candle shavings and satin ribbons, to remind me of the child in me and the endless possibilities ? Yea, the same bottle that I had to break in my sink minutes before I left uni to manage weight. Guess it’s time to reveal that while I’ve demonstrated some remarkable will and restraint in saving those messages ( clap clap); the score is now – one down.

It was a cold January night. Bon Jovi was playing in the background, I was perched on the edge of my bed, by an electric heater that made too much noise and gave less warmth. There I was - head in my hands, feet in my suitcase, wondering if it was the end of the world. To read or not to read... It was less than a year that I had them with me, and I was already in need !

It seems quite comical now, but for a split second I wished I had not broken the bottle in uni. Breaking it on the day would have been so much more dramatic, almost epic. But well, all I had to do then was open my suitcase's 'secret' zip and pick a scroll. There was this tiny voice in my head that kind of mocked me ‘ what if the message in the bottle was errrr...bland and cold, even worse ... sarcastic ?’ The latter I dint have to bother about as thankfully I dint write any message to myself. Thank you moderator/s ! Anyways, good point it made - that cheeky voice. But I would not know unless I gave it a try.

At first I was hoping for one of girl’s messages, well assuming girls write better (no offense boys, but I would have been devastated if I had three words like – ‘OK Good bye’! – Kidding, I am sure even that would be perfect in some situation! ) So, I closed my eyes, and ran my hands through the scrolls, taking all the time in the world, hoping a suitable one would somehow push itself through.

I pulled the pink ribbon off, took a deep breath and thought to myself ‘this better be good’! My first instinct was to go straight to the bottom of the scroll and see who had signed it. But did I mention before – I am a master of self-restraint (M.Rs.). So, I read on slowly and nervously..... I must have a shed a tear or two, okay five, well maybe seven and a half.

It quite amazed me how you thought of the music I would have been listening to, and boy you got it right, it almost made me laugh! Well, you hoped for a more cosy picture, while reality was a bit distorted then, but still close...in some ways. I can’t begin to tell you how comforting those words were, (well I can tell you actually - better than hot chocolate and cinnamon cookies). It was such a worthwhile effort. All those drafts, all that wondering ‘what the hell am I doing !’ - trust me it saved my day, made me feel warm despite the noisy useless electric heater. Made me feel I must have done something right for you to write all that. By the time I had read it for the third time, (sub-consciously) my pedantic self was beginning to surface, and so in order to save the way I felt, I decided it was time to put the scroll back, and tuck it safely in my suitcase.

Thank you, and you know who you are! I’ve been meaning to do this for long, but better late than never.

The score is still one down – five more to go. I’ll let you guys know when it changes.

My Trip to In-di-YEAAAAA

Right, let me try and recall what happened chronologically...

25th Jan - My sister's birthday, and joy I remembered it without being reminded. Brownie Point! It was also the day my contract at the terror home with Lauren ended. Oh she said I was her best housemate and that if I wanted a place to stay (when I return from India) that I should ring her... imagine my shock. Now Jay, I know you know this one.. but what's a polite way to say HELL NO?!. 

Anyhoo, that night I was all set to head homewards. I had travelled with Emirates this time as oppose to British Airways, so had a stop over at Dubai. Honestly, when my dad booked these tickets I thought this was some sort of test... I mean who in the right mind would let their shopaholic daughter linger about at a shopping festival for 5 hours?...Ans: my genius dad. But he did well. I was so exhausted from my lack of sleep, carrying about my lil luggage and my need to ensure I was going to catch my connecting flight that I couldn't think about shopping. Ok, that wasn't the ONLY reason. I was just surprised by the prices- I had this irking feeling that I was being cheated cause I didn't have a clue of what's the running rate of a commodity was. And the stuff I saw wasn't any cheaper from clothes I saw here in the UK. What are they calling a sale?

26th Jan- I kissed the ground when I landed. I hate long haul flights and air food. I was so happy to be home and on ground level. 

I was really happy that weekend, had attended a program that Green Shield had scheduled. I met with some of my juniors and teachers. My dad and sister came down from Singapore and showered me with attention and stuff to carry back to Lancaster. Later during their visit, we headed to Kerala, a south western state in India. I was really looking forward to a nice massage, some sunshine, sand and water. I was elated with the first place we visited called Kovalam.

We stayed at a resort just by the beach. It was perfect! I loved every moment of it. My mum decided to pull out this kite she bought during the kite festival in Singapore. It was fun watching the kite flying about going crazy with the sea breeze! The wind was so strong it carried the kite into a distant coconut tree. My dad managed to let a nearby coconut vendor know and requested his expertise to help us get it back... You see, in Kerala, there are many coconut vendors who are trained to climb up the tree with no equipment- just bare hands! They learnt the trick of the trade from monkeys- no joke! It's really skillful you know, made me wanna do it... and I tried but cracked my nut in the process. Ah what's to loose, it was half cracked already!

Further from there we went to Trivandrum, the capital of Kerala where we ate some authentic Kerala dishes. There's a thing in India where we can order a "meal" in a restaurant for lunch and dinner. The meal constitutes a three courses of rice (in south India, Indian bread in north India) with approximately 8 side dishes. The meals are well liked because of the variety and of course the unlimited refill. (There's a google image for your eyes to feast on).

The capital was interesting. There was a clear Arabic influence in the shopping malls. For those of you who don't know, a lot of malayalies (people from Kerala) travel to Saudi Arabia to earn a pot of gold. Umm.. Gold, that reminded me. My mom and aunt went berserk with the amount of jewellery shops there. I don't understand why...but its a prestigious thing to own jewellery and stuff. To add to my misery, because I hate gold, the jewellery shop had a sale. So my mom's eye struck gold and my dad felt his wallet burn. I think I pretended to have a heat stroke just to get my folks out of the shop. So we are back to our resort to catch dinner and a cultural performance called Kathakali. A little fact, this dance usually narrates a story in exaggerated facial expressions and dance moves with consistent drum beats.  The good character has green painted face with a rice ground paste beard that takes half a day to shape and dry. The evil character has a red and black painted face. I am freaked out of my mind when I see them all dolled up with that exaggerated make up. Worse, the women characters in this classical dance performance are sometimes men. Yikees!  But I was distracted by a platter of food and I felt so much better.

The next couple of days we ventured out to the other beaches dotted around the coastal region of this Spice trading state. We travelled further south until we reached Kanyakumari. The tip of the peninsular sub-continent where the Arabian Sea, Bay of Bengal and the Indian Ocean meet. It was a bit saddening when I learnt that the tsunami in 2004 affected them in an adverse manner. The water ate into the coastal region affecting the fishing industry. Many families were lost as well. It was all a bit sad but the young fisher boy tells me that they get big fish from close to 50 m from the coast into the sea/ocean!That's a good thing! We then hopped into a boat that sailed us to two famous spots further into the water, The Vivekananda Memorial and the Thirukural statue. Story has it that the two statues helped break the high tide during the tsunami that spared many. Local residence believe they were spared by the grace of the highly spiritual Vivekananda. The next morning my family packed our bags and headed home.

I loved my trip, but I was elated to be back home in Bangalore. I had caught up with my friends and the Bangalorean trend. I really missed home, was happy to be back. A week flew past and it was time for me to head back to sleepy Lancaster. It was a fabulous trip back. I flew business class because the officials gave my seat to another passenger despite my check-in receipt stating otherwise. Ha! Well business trip was grand till Dubai. Then flew economy from there to Manchester. It was lovely to have Pat greet me from the airport. I knew a royal pampering had been planned. Yay!

The end.

Los experiancas centroamericanos

Hello my dear Lancaster Familia!

Como está mis amigos? It`s difficult for me already to remember my English after so much Spanish and Caribean-vibe here in Bocas del Toro, but I´ll try my best. Bocas is a group of paradise islands with loads of Rastafaris, Hippis and Americans who got stuck here in this beautyful spot. It feels like I´ve been here since forever, but in fact it has only been two weeks. I do like the vibe here though, very tranquil and laid back with good food, nice beaches and very nice people (muchos guapo chicos latinos, mmmh, which means: lots of beautiful Latin-guys). However, the rain in the last couple of days has given me soar throat and cold-like symptomes. I sincerely hope its not Malaria, since I didn´t get a shot against that and the mosquitos are like little monsters who are just celebrating a feast with all that foreign blood . But we will see. Maybe I´ll have to proove myself in an only Spanish-speaking hospital. Well, I´ll keep you updated on my state. Classes are going well and I feel comfortable speaking the language, however, u never know what the locals think of me mixing the words and conjugating incorrectly. But I think for the most part they understand me.
Last week I´ve been going diving and saw loads of colourful fish, but the sad thing is that the waters here are very much poluted as well and corals have died. Did you see some pics on facebook on my trip to the remote island???
My time here in the internetcafé is running out and I have to prepare for my telephone interview on Monday! Yes, you´ve heard right. Six Senses Hotels and Resorts want to interview me for a Social and Environmental Manager position in the Malidves. Laamu Atoll. Isn´t that near your place Jay????? Maybe half way already. And to India it is not far either. Waaaaahhhaaa. Please hold your thumbs for me because it would be soooooo exceptional if I could get that job.
Although I have met sooo many nice people here already, I miss you guys a lot and I am really looking forward seeing most of you on New Years. We´ll keep in touch and I´ll post some photos soon (since I forgot my camera this time). Anyhow, I am sending A BIG HUG TO EACH OF YOU & muchos besos. Hasta Luego!